It Has Been a Long Road

It's so great to think that this month is my blogs 2nd birthday. Happy anniversary babes! My writing has improved so much since April 23, 2014, even with me disappearing for weeks at a time, I have kept this blog going. And I don't think I could have done it without a handful of people:

Change Isn't Always Good

The weather has been extremely crazy recently and it’s just not agreeing with me. There are so many things that need to be done right now, and with the changing of the seasons, my body just won’t allow myself to get things done and out of the way. It is in fact that time of year. Change. The weather is changing, the light is changing, and our moods are changing. Trying to get yourself off the couch for a bike ride after a couple months of being locked in your house because of the cold weather.

Here is a list of ten things you can do to get through seasonal depression:

1)      When things are changing, you should take note of things that stay consistent during this time period. During this time period, it can be really tough to get out of bed in the morning and think of all the things you need to get done. Taking note of things that you do every day could help you to get up. For example, if I tell myself “Take a shower in the morning” every night before bed, I will get up and do what I set my mind too. Now, if I’m watching TV and decide that I want a shower, I will sit there and talk myself out of getting in the shower by saying “okay, after this episode, I’ll get up.” And I do this until I finally decide to get up and just go to bed.

2)      Making plans can keep you distracted. I know this is hard for some people, but when I’m getting into a long-term mood, I decide that I want to get out of the house and go to the store, or the gym. Sometimes, thanks to the new people in my life, I’ll test them and they will just pick me up and drive around and talk. To me, sitting in the car is the best therapy.

3)      Keeping yourself awake can be a struggle, just give it a try! Usually, when you are depressed, you just want to sleep and don’t feel like getting out of bed because you think life is just too hard for you that day (That’s my interpretation). Sometimes I will force myself up, and instead of sleeping, I’ll pick up a book from my bookshelf, make some tea, light a candle, and just huddle under my blankets with a flashlight and I will stay there and finish a book. When I come out of the covers, I feel brand new and I have to catch myself up with the outside world. It actually feels really good!

4)      Always ask yourself what is wrong and what you can do to go from okay to alright to great. In other words, you can’t change the change, but you can make choices around the way you care for yourself during this change. Perhaps you need to ask for more help/support from your partner, family or friends.  Maybe you need a bit more exercise, or more rest. Maybe you need to cut down on your to-do list.  What you need now may be different three months from now.

5)      Make sure you are meeting your body’s basic needs. When many people go into a depression, they often forget to take care of themselves. The most important thing you can do for your body is take care of it. Make sure you keep yourself hydrated, eat 3 meals throughout the day (with some comfort snacks), and maybe you could get out of the house and get some exercise into your schedule. For exercise, you don’t have to do some hardcore cardio, you can just go for a nice walk, or a slow bike ride. Your body reacts with the fresh air and creates a better mood.

6)      Try to distract yourself with some crafts! When I’m feeling down, I try painting or playing with clay. It keeps my anxiety down, and it also keeps me focused on one thing and not everything at once. I just throw my headphones in my ears, and I just paint whatever makes me happy. I tend to pain pictures of nature and its wild life.

7)      Try your best to have perspective. This is hard when you aren’t feeling great, but it is important.  Seasons change.  Transitions come and go. To use a very over stated phrase, “this too shall pass.”  That doesn’t mean that this transition will be easy, but it won’t last forever. Autumn will come and go, as will winter. And then spring will peak its head out again and we’ll be making our way back to summer.  And then we get to do it again, maybe this time with a little more understanding, tolerance, and practice.

8)      Just breathe. When we are stressed out, we tend to try to get things done either faster or slower than we would when we are relaxed because we do or we don’t want to deal with it at that moment. Just remember to always take a day for yourself to just breathe! Go shopping, go to the spa, read a book, spend some time with the family. Whatever you wish you could do when you are all held up by your nasty to-do list, take a day and make it happen!

9)      Give yourself permission to talk.  If you give yourself permission to talk about the effect seasonal change is having on you, you will most likely find that others understand and validate how you feel. Company is truly healing, and can help big time.

10)   Stay connected and let people know that you are okay. As the weather changes, we all seem to go back indoors and, too often, this isolation contributes to feelings of depression and anxiety.  Reach out to those people in your life whom you feel your best around.

Thank you for reading, and I truly apologize that I haven’t been writing much. As you can tell from this post, I am just now coming out of a little depression that lasted almost two months and I am coming out as a new person. I am going to be writing a lot more because I have much to share!

Thanks for hanging in there with me lovelies! 

I Have Learned My Fair Share, How About You?

A couple of years ago, I would hold things to myself and didn't like talking to people about my feelings. I was always there when people needed me and I would always listen to them. Now, I struggle with not keeping my mouth shut! Usually, I  am nice, but when I have something to say about someone, I'm just going to come out and say it. When I say stuff about people, my friends will tell me that was a little harsh. I just look them in the face and tell them that I am being completely honest with myself and that person.

I have been picked on, and so I know what it is like to have someone pick on you. I would not wish that on anyone, not even my worst enemy. I remember feeling like no one was there for me and feeling alone. I remember not wanting to come to school the next day because I would go home and my anger took the best of me. When I was picked on, I wouldn't cry about having someone be mean to me, I would get angry and snap at anyone around me, then go home and cry about how mean I was to that person.

When I accept you into my life, I don't want you to tell me what people said behind my back. I want you to tell me what you said to defend me because I know I would do the same to you. I don't want you to tell me that I look good when I could lose a couple more pounds and then maybe look myself in the mirror. I am completely honest with myself and you, how come you can't be honest towards yourself and take a double look in the mirror.

There is an old saying (everyone knows it... hopefully) "treat others the way you want to be treated." This is how I look at it. If you treat me badly, I will most likely ignore you and just not ever talk to you again because you were a complete asshole. I have been used in the past for my money. For the longest time, I was the only one out of my small group of friends who had a job and was able to pay for my own stuff. Now I know how to tell when people are using me. I know when people are taking advantage of what little I have. You won't get past me anymore.

Over these last couple of years, I have evolved into the person I want to be. I am confident, kind, and I know how to open up to people and make new friends. Since my new job started, I have met many new people and they all seem to be so kind. Some of them are troublemakers, but some are just there so they can pay for college. Although there is a lot of drama (when isn't there any in a workplace), I stay away from talking behind people's backs. If I don't agree with something you are doing at work, I will tell you how I see it. I don't care what you do behind closed doors, but if I don't like it, please keep it away from me.

It's That Time Of Year Again

Tonight, the night of the 2016 Oscars, I lay cozy in my room with the heat on blast and the 1965 classic Sound Of Music playing in the background. I have never been one to sit in front of the TV and fancy about what everyone is wearing, but I also don’t like missing all of the “gossip”. So, I am watching Lisa Rosman live tweet the awards with her first-rate opinion on everything.

I always regret not watching the award show because, when I go to school or work, everyone is asking “did you see (insert actor/actress’ name here)’s dress last night?” No, I didn’t see her dress because I am stubborn and honestly can’t sit through the show (I get a bad case of the yawns, and droopy eyes). Nothing about the awards makes my eyes pop.

Now for me to sit back, drink my freshly brewed chai, and sing along to this wonderful movie.

And as for this post, you can tell, I’m not an “awards” type of guy.

Life Is A Drag

It’s only 7:40 am and the day is already dragging. Today is the first day we have had off from school due to snow this year. And to be completely honest, I didn’t expect myself to still be awake right now. I imagined myself waking up to the sunlight beaming in through my shades and seeing the numbers on the clock as both double digits. What more can I do when I am held hostage in my house by Mother Nature. I have already started and finished a book, I have had my breakfast and coffee, and now I am sitting in the corner of my room writing this and regretting being up. It looks to be too cold and stormy for a walk around town, although I think that would make a boring day a little more fun (if I don’t slip and crack my head open). Everyone in my household is sleeping, even sweet Athena.

And I am angry towards myself that I have not yet bought a car. This would be a perfect day to go and sit in Barns N’ Noble, look through the books and in the end, probably spend a fortune. But, instead, I am sitting in my room trying to find something to watch on Netflix. I have already turned the heat up because it is freezing (again, thanks, Mother Nature), I already have had a cup of hot chocolate, I really don’t know what else to do other than being a couch potato today until I have to go to work at four.

And speaking of being lazy and not being motivated on this snowy February day, I have a package coming in tomorrow that I ordered last night. I decided to order myself a Fitbit. It’s actually way more accurate than my phone, and everyone who has one says they all love it and its one of their best purchases. I have been wanting one for a couple years now. Now that I have a new job, I am making about three times as much as I would be making if I had stayed at the restaurant #SorryNotSorry. I am going to get a gym membership and I am going to work out in any free time that I have between work and school. But until then, life is a drag.

My Love For Books Will Never Die

While we were at my aunt and uncle's house last night, my grandmother called and let my aunt know that she didn’t get a calendar for Christmas. My aunt and I went down the street to The New England Book Fair, which has juristically changed (for the bad) since a new owner took over.


I was grazing through the books looking to see if there was anything that I wanted and I noticed there wasn’t as big of a selection of books anymore. They didn’t have a lot of newer books but, they did have a lot of older, musky smelling books that I am guessing aren’t that popular anymore. The voice over the intercom very bluntly told the customers remaining in the store that we had five minutes left to shop. We had picked out a beautiful calendar for my grandmother, and we just wanted to look around some more.

A couple of years ago, my uncle brought me to this exact store, and he ever so kindly let me pick out a summer reading book. There was such a wide variety of book and I believe we were there for a couple of hours just looking before we picked anything out. I still love visiting the store when we do because my love for books will never die. I love going to stores where the books aren’t overly expensive and being able to buy a handful of books each trip.

After we left the store, we went out for dinner at a small restaurant called Fioellas. Here I got a plate of chicken and broccoli alfredo and slice of garlic bread (so cliché) and for dessert, I had a small piece of peanut butter cheesecake. From the dining area, you could see them making our food. Flames being thrown up into the air, waiting for the building to catch fire and the smell of chicken being sautéed with spices. It wasn’t a long wait from the time we ordered to the time that we were downing our dinner. We sat next to a large window and we ate at the sight of snow falling, and people falling. Thanks to the threat of icy roads, we had to scurry back to my aunt and uncles house to gather our things and go before we wouldn’t be able to make it home.

On out drive back home, we listened to the Amy Winehouse CD that my uncle had burned for me. The snow falling in the headlights of the car made the music even more dramatic. It almost felt like we were going in slow motion when “Back to Black” came to an end and Amy sings “Black” repeatedly, slowing down every time she says it. I actually felt car sick by the time we got home and couldn’t wait to run into my room and turn on the heat.

By the way…

I apologize I didn’t post last weekend, mid-terms and finals have taken over my life once again. I’m going to make up for it, I promise!